Love: The Most Indescribable Word
by thegirlwiththesofteyes
Summary: "Just talk with me." I stared past him at a velvety, perfect cloud as my eyes fill with clear tears. "You left." Then I walked away from Austin the way he walked away from me. I hope he cries. I thought it was pretty dramatic until a bumped into someone, and I turned around while apologizing. It was a garbage can. I hope he didn't see that.
1. Chapter 1

**A girl sat in a faded school bus. She stared out the window at the gray sky, soft like a peachskin. The air smelled like wet violets. She wrote in her aged brown songbook, the crinkles like yellow and black veins. She kept looking around, like she was searching for someone. After they got off the bus, she walked up to a boy with red hair slightly knotted and frizzy from the rain, his colorful pants baggy around the butt, like a duck. His name was Dez. She asked him where someone named Austin was. He whispered the response. A bloated lump formed in her throat. The girl numbly handed in the soggy ticket and walked inside the aquariume. She debated following Dez, but she felt out of place. Her friend, Trish, was talking with her new found love interest and she followed them. He pulled Trish ahead, obviously trying to lose her. He pulled my friend ahead, obviously trying to lose me. She stepped around a smoky puddle reflecting the peeling orange of a sign. A tear fell from her eye, like blood from a wound, mixing with the rain slashing across the sky. They didn't notice. She felt like she had no one. She walked slower, wondering if they would care if they lost her. They made our way inside again, and she stopped walking at a glass aquarium filled with jellyfish floating like ripped plastic bags in the dark water. They didn't notice she was gone. She was sobbing now. She wandered in and out of the cold rooms, letting the fish surround her, watching them watch her.  
One was the color of red grapes, with eyes like wilted gray flowers. She pushed her hot fingers against the glass, trying to reach into the silent world, where there were no broken friendships and memories of pastel colored happiness and blue tears.**

********  
It had been a year and a half since Austin left. Thinking his name was like ripping open an stitched up wound, the skin tearing. He was famous now, really famous. He was more of a sensation among girls now then justin bieber and one direction. A superstar. I stared at the clock, my shoulders slumped. Trish sat next to me, chewing rubbery green gum and painting her nails a sunflower orange-yellow. The teacher droned on. In front of me sat Dallas, wearing a pale blue t-shirt. Soon, school was over, and I walked out into the humid, soupy Miami air. My hair is pinned up in two buns shaped like glossy flower bulbs. I stare at the sky, thinking. Suddenly I hit something hard. I look up. Of course I have to head bump into the chest of the hottest guy I have ever seen. He has ruffled dark blonde hair, soft brown eyes, and tan skin. White light flashes illuminated his scuplted cheekbones and pink lips. His hand is on my arm, sending warm jolts through my back. Then I register who he is and suddenly the blue sky and the rows of pastel pink houses seem cramped and stuffy.  
"Oh, My God! Ally! Hello!" He smiles.  
The only sound is the faint barking of a pale dog with eyes like empty marbeles.  
"Hi."  
"So how are things?"  
I can't seem to form coherent thoughts.  
"Good. You?"  
"Good. Do you still have your cat? That devil feline." He laughs.  
"No."  
I gasp the perfumed air.  
"Um, I have to get going but it was so nice seeing you again."  
He grabs my wrist sending hot shivers down my back.  
"Do you want to meet up again?"  
"I'm really busy. Sorry."  
I walked away.  
"Wait!"  
I pretended I didn't hear him.  
"Ally!"  
"Are you really gonna make me chase you down the street?"  
I kept my lips shut, pretending to examine a rose bush. Another shiver runs down my back and I know he is behind me. He wraps his arms around my waist from behind, making me stop. A strong tingling feeling runs down my back, and I never want him to let go.  
"Just talk with me."  
I stared past him at a velvety, perfect cloud as my eyes fill with clear tears.  
"You left."  
Then I walked away from Austin the way he walked away from me. I hope he cries. 


	2. Chapter 2

The air was bushy with sound. The glass window looked out on the shimmering river and the skyline, the city lights like plastic goblets of red, orange and yellow. People danced, grinding against each other. I had a glass of blue punch in my hand. I was feeling a little dizzy and warm. My stomach hurt. A tall, gorgeous blonde walked in. He wore dark jeans and a purple v-neck. Austin. How? What? _Why? _White light illuminated his features again, and I realized it was the flash of paparazzi cameras. His eyes immeaditily connected with mine just as I was thinking about hiding. A surge of rage stiffened my limbs and I glared at him. I watched his face fill with hurt but then he glared back. I turned away from him and set my shoulders back. I put down my cup, a little too forcefully, the drink sloshing over the sides and making my fingers sticky. I looked back at him again quickly. He was already surronded by girls. Of course. Jealousy filled me. I mean, _almost _jealousy filled me. I didn't like my former best friend. Still, I was going to show him that I could flirt too. I spotted Dallas and made my way through the sea of people towards him. You know how they say in books that the character can feel whoevers eyes burning into their back? Well, it felt like that when I with Austin. I sat down next to Dallas on the foam couch. I should have been nervous, but I was too angry too care. I placed my hand on his knee and said,  
"Do you want to dance?"  
"Sure." His voice seemed a little slurred. He stood up, taking hold of my hand. His skin just felt sweaty against mine. No shivers. No blush. I hesitated. Then I saw Austin surronded by girls. My eyes focused on his leather jacket on a girls shoulders and his hand on another girls tan leg. I began dancing with Dallas. I really didn't have to do anything, just sway slightly while Dallas pressed against me. I forced my eyes not to make contact with Austin's and I began grinding harder with Dallas. I turned my body around and pressed myself into him. Austin led three girls onto the dancefloor, trying to catch my eyes while he grinded into them.  
I turned around and saw his hands in one of the girls strawberry blonde hair. Everything seemed to smudge around me and the room seemed empty and silent. I should have heard the loud music but all I could see was his lips on her lips sticky with lipgloss. The kiss was soft and lustful. His fingers hooked into the loops in her silvery shorts, pulling her closer, pressing her to his tan chest. Then he put his arms around her waist and lifted her up slightly and she wrapped her legs around his waist. They backed up and he pressed her against the wall, roughly kissing her pinning her wrists above her head. He looked up at me, grinning, knowing he had won as the girl panted slightly behind him, hungry for more. I turned around and walked out of the room and away from Dallas, swallowing. My body felt tight and stale. I felt to empty to cry. I scanned the room for a door. I felt a damp, hot hand clamp around my wrist and a sweaty chest back me against the wall. I managed to squeak out a faint, Dallas, what are you doing? before his lips came crashing into mine. I tried to squirm and twist my wrists from his grasp but his body formed a thick cage against the wall. I thrashed furiosly as one of his hands traveled up my shirt. Noone could hear me, no one was watching. It was like the kind of nightmare where you open your mouth to scream and no sound comes out. The kind that made me get out of bed and turn on my chunky yellow glass light. I heard someone say with in a low, savage voice,  
"Get the fuck off of her."  
Dallas let go of my wrists and turned his head slightly to try to see the speaker as I choked in the tasteless air.  
"Are you going to make me?"  
A fist came crashing into Dallas's exposed cheek. I looked up to see Austin. I had never seen him like this. His eyes were dark like the twisting glass of the river behind him. He looked murderous as he tackled Dallas, punching him repeatedly. All I could do was scream.


	3. Chapter 3

All I could see was the blood. I knew I had to do something. I had already tried screaming stop. So, I jumped on Austin's back. He turned around with a murderous look in his eyes, and then his shoulders slumped and he wrapped his warm arms around me, and closed his eyes, resting his head on the top of mine. He had no idea how many happy tingles and hot shivers this was sending through me. A small crowd had gathered around the fight, and I tried to push Austin's arms off me, blushing. He refused to let go. Eventually he did, holding onto my shoulders sending sparks of fire through my body.

"I will always protect you."

I stared into his melty soft amber brown eyes. He turned to Dallas, whose face was a bloody mess, his eyes turning glinting and lethal.

"Never touch her again. I swear I will kill you." His voice was rough and I knew he was telling the truth. I placed my hand on Austin's bicep. I think I was thinking of an excuse to touch his warm, tan skin again.

"Stop."

He wrapped his arm around my waist protectively and pulled me against his side still scowling , sending lustful tingles down my back.

"Do you need a ride home?"

"Thanks, but no."

I couldn't let him know where my house was. Then he could always leave and always knew where to come back to. I knew he would leave again and the visits would eventually get sparser and sparser until he forgot me like he had for the past year. It would hurt too much.

"How about my house? We can catch up."

"Okay."

The drive to his house was an two hours or so. I forgot how easy it was to talk to him. How easy it was to tell him things I had never told anyone before. How easy it was to watch him while he talked. How easy it was for me to make him smile. I knew this was the last night I would ever see him. I was allowing myself this one night. We pulled up to a glass skyscraper that reflected the night sky like a mirror.

"During the day its blue. I like to think I live in a little chunk of sky."

"It's not very little." I laughed.

He smiled at me.

"C'mon lets go inside."

We walked into the lobby. The carpet was the color of a glossy, dark red apple and black leather seats were scattered around the room. A woman with hair the color of copper pennies was standing behind a black counter.

"Leather? Really? Do you know how many animals were killed for this?"

"I knew you would say that. I had all the chairs replaced with fake leather."

We walked into the elevator and he pressed the button for the penthouse.

"Hey, do you remember that time you saved the abandoned pigeon eggs for me?"

"Yeah." Austin said, laughing.

"We were getting out of the subway and there were those two pigeon eggs. I told you that if we didn't keep them warm they might die so you put them in your armpits and we had to go to that fancy music museum. You were talking to that agent and then you sneezed and the yolk started dripping down your shirt and they turned out to not be fertilized at all."

We started laughing and then began recalling all of the embarrasing situations we got ourselves into. We were laughing so much just thinking of a story that sometimes we couldn't even tell it, but it didn't matter because we both knew what it was. I laughed so much my stomach hurt and I felt like I was going to pee my pants. Attractive, right?

"Man, we were stupid." Austin gasped out while chuckling.

I hadn't even noticed that the elevator door had opened and that there was a butler outside, staring at us like we were freaks. Which we were. Austin quickly composed his face, trying to look serious.

"Hello, Frank."

"Hello, Mr. Moon. Is this the famous Ally Dawson?"

"Yes.''

_Famous? Did he talk about me?_

I scanned the apartment. It was absolutely huge. Austin took my hand.

"Lets watch a movie."

I looked at my watch, gasping. It was 3:56 in the morning. I needed to go home.

"Austin, its like 4:00 in the morning. I need to go home."

"No, don't leave. You can sleepover. You can have my bed and I'll sleep on the couch.

"Well, okay. Let me just text my dad."

"Will he be okay with it?"

"I'll just tell him I'm at Trish's."

I quickly called my dad and texted Trish to back up my story. Then I moved to sit on the couch. Austin pulled me back.

"Don't sit on there. We can sit on the bed."

"Why?"

He put his hand on the back of his neck, not looking into my eyes.

"Thats where I, uh, have my...one night stands."

"Eww. Gross."

I couldn't help but imagine his tan arms on either side of me on that couch. I looked up at him, blushing.

I followed him to his bedroom. The rest of the night we spent laughing at movies. He sat next to me, his tan face illuminated in the chemical blue light from the T.V. I didn't ask him why he left. There were parts where we both sat in that kind of warm, comfortable silence and I thought. In all the stories we had told in the elevator I had held him back in some way. In the one with the pigeon eggs, he could have been taken by a huge agent if it weren't for me wanting him to carry the eggs. He was constantly sacrificing things for me. Thats when I knew that there was no other option. Austin's eyes slowly closed, his long eyelashes brushing his rosy cheeks. His pink lips were open, like a fish gasping for air. I slowly removed the crimson blanket from my lap and got up. I stared at him, the rain softly pounding the glass window behind me, the yellow lights below smudged and distant. It was in that moment, with the doughy gray light illuminating his dark blonde hair and pink lips that I admitted to myself that I was in love with him. And thats why I had to leave him.


	4. Chapter 4

I walked home, the sky a steel blue color, the white sun rising into the sky. The air was chilled, dying my ears a pinkish color. I made my way home, weeping for the best friend I would never have again. I had made the right decision, hadn't I? I couldn't-wouldn't get hurt again by him. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dad drove me to school that morning. It seemed as if every street was crowded with people holding signs and enthusiastically screaming. It looked like thousands upon thousands of people were clogging the streets, staring at each car like they were searching for someone.

"Dad, is the president here or something?"

"No, I don't think so."

The streets began to get even more clogged as we inched closer towards the school. We finally made it to school after about two hours. It normally took twenty minutes. I rushed in, clutching my books to my chest, my eyes wide as I scurried towards my first class. I plopped down in my seat, apologizing profusely to my teacher.

"I'm so sorry Mr. Heinz, there was just _so_ much traffic."

"Don't worry, Ally. Everyone who is late is excused as it is quite understandable." He made a gestured towards the crowds of people outside the thin, clouded plastic of the school windows. As the teacher spoke, the classroom would be lit every few seconds by the flash of a camera. I watched outside as a limousine pulled up, glimmering in the harsh sunlight, its headlights like narrowed, glinting eyes. The muffled screams outside the window increased by tenfold. The door was opened and a boy came out. His skin looked as if it was coated in glass from the white sunlight. Sculpted cheekbones, puffy pink lips, tousled blonde hair. Oh. My. Goodness. What the fudge? Whatthefudge, whatthefudge, whatthefudge. Are you fudging kidding me right now? What is fudging wrong with life right now? Oh my god. I wiped my forehead with my sleeve, damp with sweat, and let my head rest on my arms, letting my eyes close, sinking into the warm, reddish darkness of my eyelids. Just as I had slowed down my breathing of course I finally had to notice that the desk was sticky with apple juice. I jumped up, tripping, and asked Mr. Heinz if I could go to the bathroom. I made my way to the bathroom, my shoulders slumped, everything with direct sunlight on it looking as if it was steaming. I quickly washed my face and tightened my ponytail. I looked at myself in the mirror. I was wearing a silky, short, dark green skirt, a V-neck white t-shirt tucked into it, black stockings and my scuffed brown heel-boots. A thin gray headband pulled my dark hair back. I washed my face again and applied a layer of clear lip-gloss to my naturally-red lips. I combed my fingers through my soft hair. The blonde at the tips was still there, but had faded slightly. I silently admitted to myself that I was trying not to look my ugliest for Austin. I wanted him to know that I was fine without him, and the first step to doing that was _looking _like I was fine without him. I probably could avoid running into him anyway. He was probably just saying hi to Dez or something. Or was here for some random charity event for good publicity. We did need new windows. Maybe his car had run out of gas and he was coming in here. Maybe he was just doing a signing here for his new album, _She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not_. There was no possible way he was here for me. I walked out of the bathroom having calmed myself down. I heard the door at the front of the school swing open, someone's sneakers padding on the wooden floor.

"Ally!"

She looked up. There he was. She felt her stomach flutter. He was wearing a white t-shirt that outlined his extremely defined body and dark jeans. A black leather jacket was thrust over his shoulder carelessly and he held something behind his back. She couldn't let this happen again. She spun around and started walking fast towards her classroom. A warm hand softly spun her back round again. Just his hand seemed to stab every molecule in her body alive.

"Why did you leave me? I woke up and you weren't there. You don't know how much it hurt." His hands were clenched.

"I do know, actually. I can't go through that again. I know you will always leave now. I wont be _that _stupid girl who gets hurt again." My eyes burned with tears. We stood there in silence for a while. I forced my hands to dangle at my sides, even though what I really wanted to do was hug him, punch him, _do _something to show him how much I had missed him, how much I had hated him for making me love him with that smile and those eyes and that laugh. The silence was broken by Austin's raw voice,

"All I want is to be best friends again."

I gulped. They could be friends again. I could hug him and go off to my history class happy. But then I hardened my brown eyes again and pulled my shoulders back.

"You ruined our friendship when you left without a word."

Austin pulled out what he had been hiding behind his back. It was the scariest thing I had ever seen. Flowers. Tulips with waxy red petals to be exact. These sweet things are what made me fall in love with him.

"What are those?" I said, my hands quivering. I could feel her anger draining away. That was not a good thing.

"Flowers. You act like there some death threat or something." _Because they are. You will be the death of me and my sanity._

"I brought them because I thought they would be a celebration for forgiving each other."

I felt my anger begin to solidify again. Good.

"So you just assumed you could waltz in here and everything would be good again? After having left me, your supposed 'best friend' who you haven't contacted for months, not even one text or one email. You thought we could be sweet little best friends again? It doesn't work that way Austin. Maybe the fame has gotten to your head." And with that I left. Part of me wanted him to wrap his arms around my waist and pull me back to him. Chase after me. But he didn't. I didn't see him for the rest of the day, but I did see the tulips, wrapped in silvery tissue, in the rubbish bin. I couldn't help myself as my fingers plucked a single petal off. I kept it in my pocket for the rest of the day, stroking the petal's silky, bright red flesh. And that's how I imagined the part of my heart that was for Austin to be. Locked away somewhere, a memory that I couldn't help myself from conjuring up but that I wanted to faint away.


End file.
